Letting Go
by YuKisa Yoite
Summary: *If you do not like Yaoi DO NOT READ* This is my First Fanfic for Free. I do not own any of the characters, though I wish I did. Please, all comments, critiques and suggestions are welcome. I will try to put out chapters on a regular bases but life does get in the way sometimes so I ask for your patients. Thank you and I hope you enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

Name: Letting Go

Chapter 1: Dark Waters of the Heart

"Makoto!" Nagisa's voice faintly sounded from the shore. Violent water churned threatening to filling Makoto's lungs as he struggled to reach the shore, Rei's limp body in his arms. Makoto was quickly becoming overpowered by the storms savage beating. A wave crashed down causing him to loose grip of his blue headed team mate and suddenly he went under and everything went black. The next thing he knew the gritty feel of sand was felt underneath his body. His green eyes half opened only to see a pair of ocean blue eyes over him ~Haru..?~

With a sudden jolt his body sprang up but he was no longer on the beach. There he sat in his bed but none the less he found himself gasping for air and his hand clutched his shirt tightly. ~That dream again...~ he thought to himself, the taste of the salty sea water still seemed to be in his mouth from that day. He glanced over to the lumped figure laying next to him in bed still snuggly wrapped in the blanket but soon the figure turned and a pair of purple-ish blue eyes stared sleepily at him. "Makoto..?"

The other sat up rubbing his eyes tiredly, he'd been used to this. Makoto had woken up like this several nights in a row now. "Makoto? Are you alright?" He asked.

"Im fine, Kisumi" Makoto replied with a shaky voice then sighed deeply before nodded. "It was just, that dream again"

"You don't look it" Kisumi reached over placing his palm to Makoto's forehead and frowned "Mako.. your as cold as ice but you're sweating badly. You don't seem ok, you've never been this bad before" Kisumi looked down for a split second as his thoughts swirled. Since Haru had moved away, every other few night had been like this. Makoto having the dream of Haru saving his life and their almost first kiss. It bother Kisumi to no end that his Makoto had been having the same repetitive dream of his friend and former lover but he had always kept silent about it.

Makoto had regained his composure and put on his usual charming smile, the one Kisumi could never resist. "I'm fine, really. I promise" he said assuringly

Just as always, Kisumi felt at ease. He couldn't help himself when his green eyed lover gave that smile. "Alright then you should try and get some more sleep. You have to be up soon for work"

Makoto nodded briefly then stood up "I think I'll take a short walk, just to completely clear my head first. I'll be right back. You have work as well, your big presentation." Makoto took leaned down giving a soft kiss to Kisumi's cheek before he grabbed his shoes and slipped them on.

Kisumi had already laid back down and was nuzzling into his pillow. He smiled from the kiss and sighed softly "Be carful Makoto" he whispered as he pulled the covers over him.

"I always am. I'll try not to wake you when I return. Aishiteru" the brown head said before closing the door after him and headed down stairs after giving a quick glance into Hayato's room seeing the small sleeping body. Mako headed out looking up at the clear night sky then made his way down towards the sandy shores of his dream. Ironically enough they lived in a condo only a couple of blocks from the ocean.

Soon the dark waters were in view, gentle and smooth unlike in his dreams. He stopped a few feet from the shore and took in a breath of the salty air then something caught his eye. A dark figure standing on the boardwalk looking out into the waters, his green eyes widened as the figure became clear. Makoto gasped in realization "Haru!?"

He wasted no time as he rushed over, sand kicked up behind him as he ran then finally made it to the wooden planks that made up the boardwalk. "Haru!" He called out and ran to the end coming up beside his friend.

Haru didn't break his gaze from the still waters before them even as his name was called and once his ex lover made it to him his lips parted. "The ocean is the freest of all" his monotone voice sounded cold and eerie. "Never being confined by anything"

Makoto tilted his head but chuckled softly and smiled "something only you could say Haru" He wanted to hug his friend but with how their relationship had ended before Haru left, he wasn't even sure if he should, let alone even be as excited as he was to see him but he couldn't help it. Regardless of how things ended, Haru was still his friend. They had said they wouldn't let their friendship go.

"One minute they're still and all is calm" Haru turned his head slightly to glance at Makoto as he began to remove his shirt "then the next they can become violent and unpredictable" he tossed his shirt aside "the ocean has that right, it knows the true meaning of being free" He kicked off his shoes then his pants next. Haru gripped the wooden railing and climbed up onto the banister now only wearing his swimsuit.

"Haru what are you-..." Makoto's broke off as the blue eyed man before him leaped off of the banister to the pitch blacked water below. He gasped and reached for Haru but was too late and found himself leaning over the railing gripping nothing but air as he watched his friend fall downward. "HARU!" He cried out "HARU!"

Just before he hit the water Haru's body disappeared completely into nothingness and suddenly a wave out of nowhere crashed against the boardwalk.

"Makoto! ... Makoto! ... MAKOTO!"

The familiar voice jolted Makoto and his eyes shot open. He panted heavily and was gasping for air as beads of sweat rolled down his forehead. His green eyes quickly darted left to right then left again as he sat up quickly. He was once again back in his bed.

Kisumi shook him once more "Makoto! Are you ok? Say something!" His voice flooded with worry.

Mako's chest pounded as his heart raced and quickly he reached and grabbed Kisumi pulling him into his arms but said nothing as a few silent tears trickled from his eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Name: Letting Go

Chapter 2: The Calm Before The Storm

"Mako-nii!" Hayato's cheerful voice filled the classroom as Makoto stepped in. He ran over to the tall green eyed man he had grown to love and trust, his big brother. "I did it! I did it!" The high pitched squeal exclaimed as the small boy held up a sheet of paper with the written words 'Great Job! A+' on it.

Makoto chuckled softly at Hayato's excitement as he kneeled down to eye level with him placing one hand on the boys head and giving his pink salmon colored hair a ruffle. "That's great Hayato. I knew you could do it. I'm so proud of you" He praised then looked up as Hayato's teacher approached them. He stood giving her a courteous nod.

"Mr. Tachibana. It is to my understanding that you've been tutoring Hayato these past few weeks in his studies. I must say, he's been doing exceptionally better in all areas."

Makoto nodded with a smile "Yes, I have been" he said with a sense of pride as he glanced to Hayato who was rocking back and forth on his heels smiling big at the praise from his teacher with a light blush on his small cheeks. "I'm so glad to hear he's doing better" Mako continued on as his gaze went back to the teacher. "Thank you for the update on his progress." With that he reached over taking Hayato's hand "we should get going. You don't want to be late for your swimming practice."

Brightly smiling Hayato squeezed the mans hand who he now looked up to as his idol. "Will you be helping with the coach today?"

With a soft chuckle at the boys excitement Makoto pulled Hayato up and sat him on his shoulders "it just so happens that today I am" He answered as they arrived at the pool. He sat the young boy down and went inside. "Hayato, you go get ready and I'll meet you at the pool with the others in your class and remember, the relay race is today, so stay focused."

Kisumi had just finished all his daily tasks around the house. Living room picked up and vacuumed, kitchen and bathroom swept and mopped, even dinner had been started. He felt a sense of accomplishment today, usually he'd never be done this early. The only thing that remained now was the laundry.

He quickly gathered Hayato's things then went and corralled his and Makoto's and headed down stairs to the laundry room. Piece by piece he loaded the washer making sure to check the pockets for whatever may or may not have been emptied and forgotten. He was on the last one of Mako's when he found a neatly folded slip of paper. As he brought it out his eyes widened slightly as he read the name on the front of the folded paper. "Haru.." his lips mouthed the name quietly.

He felt a sudden sinking feeling as he just stared blankly at the paper, debating whether to open it and read it or just put it up for later. Kisumi shook his head quickly as he made his way back up stairs. ~No, I shouldn't.~ he told himself in his mind ~But I want to know what it says..~ he couldn't figure what could be on the paper of why Makoto would be writing to his ex lover but he could tell from the feeling in his gut that he wouldn't like what he found, or that's the feeling he got at least.

Finally his curiosity got the better of him. He started to unfold the letter when suddenly the front door opened and Hayato ran in causing him to jump and quickly he shoved the paper into his pocket.

"Onii-chan!" He called out excitedly as he wrapped his small arms around his brother and looked up with big bright and sparkling eyes. "Guess what! Guess what!" Hayato help up his paper showing his grades. "And guess what again! My team won our relay race today! Mako-nii said that I swam faster than I ever had before! He said I made my own new record." Pride filled Hayato's voice as it rang out proudly around the house.

Kisumi smiled widely "that's so great ototo, you did really good!" He praised giving the same amount of energy his little brother was giving off then looked over as Makoto entered and shut the door. At that instance his thoughts of the letter quickly faded from his mind. He walked up with a softer smile "welcome home Makoto"

A soft kiss was placed on Kisumi's cheeks then his nose from Makoto as he sat his and Hayato's bags down on the couch. "its good to be home, thank you" Mako trailed off as he made a few sniffs "something really smells good!"

The pink headed man gasped and ran to the kitchen. With everything that had been swimming in his head he had completely forgotten about dinner. "You boys are just in time, dinners just finished" With that he brought everything to the table just as Makoto and Hayato were sitting down then fixed all three plates.

Dinner went as it usually did, nothing different. Every one was quiet for the most part. A few words were exchanged about the day that had unfolded then once everyone had finished Hayato was sent up to do his homework then prepare for bed. Kisumi cleaned off the table and took the dishes to the sink and began to rinse and wash them.

Makoto slipped up behind him wrapping his arms around his lovers waist from behind laying his chin gently on his shoulder and leaning his head to Kisumi's giving an affectionate nuzzle. "Dinner was amazing" he whispered and kissed Kisumi's cheek.

Kisumi blushed smiling as he nuzzled his green eyed lover back and put his hands on Mako's arms rubbing them softly and leaned back against him. "Well you deserve a good meal after a long day of working plus helping with the swimming classes" he turned to face Makoto with a warm smile "you're so amazing, you know that, right?" Laying his head on Mako's chest he sighed in content "I think Hayato should be done, I'll go run you a hot bath so you can relax." Without giving Makoto a chance to respond, Kisumi kissed his lips then pulled away from him and went up stairs.

Watching, Makoto just shook his head softly as he began to loosen his tie. The promise of the hot bath already had his muscles yearning for that warm relaxed feeling. He'd had a long day and tomorrow would be no different. He started to make his way upstairs when his phone began to ring in his pocket, he paused at the bottom step as he took it out and a widen smile appeared on his lips.

"Haru!" Makoto held the phone tightly to the side of his face as he slipped out of the sliding glass door that led to the balcony and closed it. "Haru. Its been a few days since I last heard from you, is everything ok? You usually don't call so late. How are you? ... What?! You're in town?!" He exclaimed trying to keep his voice down. He smiled more as he listened to the receiving end of the call. "Yes, of course I can meet you. Where are you? ... Yes, I remember the hotel we stayed at during our last competition. But Haru, why are you at 'that one'? ... No no, I'll be right over. It's no trouble at all. Give me half an hour. ... ok, see you soon!"

Makoto closed his phone and hung up taking a deep breath then looked out at the shore as he slid the phone back into his pocket. His heart was pounding in his chest just from the few minutes of hearing Haru's voice. He went inside and made his way to the bedroom, quickly changing clothes then poked his head into the bathroom. "Kisumi, something has come up. I have to go"

Kisumi looked over having just turned off the water from the freshly drawn bath. "Makoto? What?" A bit of worry overcame him. "Its late Makoto. Where could you possibly be going at this hour? And your bath is-..."

"It's Haru. He just called." Mako half cut off his lovers words. "He said he is in town but he's leaving back out in the morning. Can you believe it? He's on his way to see about a job and decided to stay in town for the night since he was passing through."

Kisumi froze at the mention of Makoto's blue eyed ex. "You can't go out. Surely there will be other times to see him. Not to mention you have work in the morning."

With a simple smile, Makoto placed his hand on Kisumi's shoulder. "It'll be alright. I promise. It will only be for a few hours, just to catch up then I'll be back." He assured then leaned in and lifted Kisumi's chin lightly placing a soft kiss on his lips then turned and walked out leaving his lover staring blankly.

The pink haired man sat there at a loss for words. As Makoto left, Kisumi heard the front door open and then close, his hands clinched tightly. After letting the water drain he went downstairs and into the living room. He reached into his pocket for his phone but his eyes widened as he pulled out the paper he'd found earlier. He clinched it in his fist half way balling it up and started to just throw it away out of anger but stopped. He shook his head and unfolded it. Makoto had left to go to HIM, why shouldn't he read it.

His blue eyes began to focus on the words and quickly he sucked in his bottom lip and bit it as he sat down on the couch to read.

[Haru,

I just wanted to write you. I know it's been a while since my last letter. How are you? Things are going well here. I met with Rin the other day. Would you believe he found work at the local aquarium? He really loves it. We talked about you for a bit over lunch.

Things are getting better for me as well and I'm loving work. The new school year has just started and my students are just as sweet, cute and smart as last years. I'm so glad I took your advice and persued a career in teaching. You were right, I'm good with children. What job did you end taking when you moved? You never got around to telling me before you left.

I don't have much time. I'm on my lunch break right now and its almost over so I have to cut this letter short but I promise I'll write you again soon. I miss you Haru. There hasn't been a day that's passed that I haven't thought about you since you left. Sometimes I take a walk along the beach and just listen to the waves when they hit the shore. I can't wait to see you again. We'll have to plan a whole day together. Don't worry, of course we'll go swimming. Just like old times. Well, I'll write again soon Haru. I love you.

Until next time, Makoto Tachibana~]

Kisumi crumpled up the letter in his fist, his teeth clamped down together. A few tears caught in his eyes but he quickly wiped them. As he stood a tear slid down his cheek but he wasn't sure if it were from the sadness that he felt in his chest or the anger that burnt within him. He shredded the letter into fine pieces and took his phone out. He scrolled through his contacts as he made his way to the kitchen and threw away the shreds that he had been clinching. A familiar voice sounded on the other end of the phone as the line was answered. "Rin, It's Kisumi. I'm sorry for calling so late but it's Makoto. It's happened again."


	3. Chapter 3

Name: Letting Go

Chapter 3: Fury of the Storm

Thunder rumbled in the clouds as the lightning flashed and lit up the night sky. Waves crashed violently against the shore and the pier but as harsh as the weather was that night, it was nothing compared to the two men arguing outside of the beach side home which not even an hour before was as calm as the still waters before the storm had started.

"You called me out here in the middle of the night for what?! Help? Advise?" Rin yelled, his eyes burning with fury as he stared down the intense blue eyes that were facing him. "Kisumi, how much longer are you going to let this go on!? Its like you don't even care about Makoto or what he's doing."

"How can you even say that?" Kisumi retorted. It was true, he HAD called his lovers former teammate for help but the anger and rage coursing through Rin, he was not prepared for and didn't expect. "I love him! No one can say that isn't true. You don't know what I go through. What I deal with day in and day out. The things I put up with.. How hard it is.." Kisumi was on the verge of tears but he refused to let them fall. Not now. Not in front of the man who was already calling him weak and making such accusations.

Rin growled clinching his fists tightly. This wasn't the first time he'd been called for advice on Makoto's behavior about Haru and every time he had tried to give his best opinion on the matter, it was pushed aside and ignored. "You say you love him but your words only go so far. How can you love him and let him do this? I can't even begin to count the many many times I've tried and tried to tell you. Makoto needs help. Stop being so blind and selfish. You think you're doing what's best by letting him do this? What sense does that even make? Do you really want my help or do you just want attention and someone to spend the lonely nights with when he leaves like this?"

Kisumi tightened his own fists. He knew how hot headed Rin could get but this time he could tell it was like never before but even still, the verbal thrashing Rin was giving out.. Kisumi knew he just didn't understand. "How dare you even say that?!" He countered trying to keep what composure he had left. "I know Makoto better than anyone. We've known each other since we were kids. You just don't get it. I let him do this.. Because I love him. I love him enough to not get in the way of what makes him happy. If this is what he wants then who am I to stop him?"

That was it, Rin had heard enough. He gritted his sharp teeth together, grab the front of Kisumi's shirt and forced the pink haired man up against the side of the house. "Don't you dare say that you know him better! You knew him when you were kids, well news flash. SO DID I! But you know what? That doesn't mean shit right now. If you think that is what love is then you have no clue! What you're doing is selfish beyond belief and I'm tired of it! You hear me? SICK AND TIRED OF IT!"

Kisumi gasped as a breath of air was forced from his body at the sudden collision of his back to the wall. His hands went up gripping Rin's arm and tried to pry the strong grip from his shirt but with no luck. "I call you for help and this is what you do? Yes, you knew him as well but who is the one who has been with him for so long now? Me! I have been there for him. Watched him time and time again. Waited for him to come to bed at night, knowing that he's on the phone talking until the early hours of the morning or knowing that he goes out and doesn't return until late. You don't think it hurts? It does! But I do what I can. I want Makoto to be happy, no matter what."

Just then the sky lit up brightly as a streak of lightning crashed, flashing in Rin's eyes as if the storm itself was fueled by his rage followed by a massive roar of thunder. The clouds themselves seemed to be heated in the tensed moment as they opened up giving way to a downpour that quickly soaked both men but even still, neither seemed focused on that nor seemed to even care.

"Is that all you can say? You love him, you love him. If that's truly how you feel. You love Makoto so much that you just sit by like some ignorant child and turn a blind eye to what he is doing then why? Why even call me in the first place? Huh? Tell me that?!" Rin's grip only tightened on Kisumi's shirt as he shoved him harder against the siding of the house "What reason do you have.." Rin paused for a moment then shook his head. "It doesn't matter. Its clear that if anything is going to be done about this that I am the one who is going to have to do it. You don't seem to be man enough. It's pathetic. Sad that you are so selfish that you put yourself before him, the one who needs help the most."

Kisumi glared as his eyes narrowed. The rain drops rolled of the ends of his hair that was now plastered to his head. "You won't do anything. He is NOT you're responsibility! I'll do whatever it takes to help him-..."

Rin slammed his fist against Kisumi's head as he pounded it into the wall. "NO! You'll do whatever you WANT as long as Makoto still comes home to you." The purple haired man corrected quickly "You don't give a damn about Makoto. All you care about is yourself!" Rin drew his fist back from the wall, his anger had got the best of him and at that moment, rational thought was gone. Quickly his fist connected with Kisumi's jaw causing him to fall to the ground. "I'll handle this MY way. Makoto is MY friend and I won't let this continue any longer. You stay out of my way or else next time it will be worse." Without another word Rin turned and stormed off not even bothering to look back. No regret showed in his furious red eyes for the actions he had just taken, and at the moment, he didn't care.

Kisumi hit the ground with a hard thud but that was nothing compared to the pain that now coursed through him. His hand went to his face that was already starting to swell from the hard blow to the jaw. He sat up quickly and scooted back all the way to the side of the house. His blue eyes wide with disbelief from what had just happened. He could only stare as Rin turned and began walking off. He kept silent but his thoughts raced through his mind. He knew what it was that he had to do. Once more he looked up as another flash lit up the sky. "RIN, WAIT!" He called out.

At the sound of his name Rin reluctantly half paused. His red eyes stayed narrowed as he stopped then slowly turned to face the half slumped over body sitting against the wall on the ground. Even his lips were half drawn back in somewhat of a growl showing off his finely pointed teeth. "What do you want?" His words hissed lowly out like venom being poured into an open wound.

"I.." Kisumi took a breath as he tried to calm himself and his thoughts. He managed to bring himself to his feet, gripping the side of the house with a shaky hand, he had pulled himself up but his head remained half lowered as if in defeat. His pink hair covered over half his eyes with water continuously dripping and running down each strand. "I'll... I'll do it.." he finally said as he bit his lip. "I will get him some help..."

Rin's left eye twitched as his brow raised. He hadn't expected the words that that now replayed themselves in his ears. Step by step he found himself now standing only a few feet away from Kisumi. "Not the help you think he needs. Get him the help he actually needs." Rin stated as if he already knew what what on the others mind.

Kisumi blinked and wiped his face from the rain on his soaked sleeve virtually making it pointless. "I'll have him admitted.. To the hospital.. or.. or the psych ward.. At least there he can be watched and helped.."

"Did you NOT just listen to me?" Rin raised his voice once more "I said the help he actually needs. NOT what you think he needs. He doesn't need to be put in some hospital! He needs his friends. For all of us to be there for him and help him through it all. Don't you see that? All of us are worried about him. Me, Nagisa, Rei, even Sousuke. It isn't just you." For a few seconds Rin became silent. His eyes closed and he took a deep breath as if he were collecting his thoughts and calming himself. As he did, the rain began to ease off.

The sky still remained heavily clouded but it seemed the storm had passed. Rin opened his eyes "Look, we can all do this together." His voice was now calmer or, as calm as he could make it at the moment. "I'm supposed to be visiting Australia for a few days, leaving tomorrow, but I'll be back. Let's just give this a few days to settle. I'll talk to the others when I get back and we can all handle this. This is what's best for Mikoto. Being around his friends. He wouldn't give up on us and we won't do the same." As he finished his last words Rin even went so far as to extend his hand to Kisumi.

All the blue eyed man could do was nod slowly as he listened. He knew there was no point in arguing with the hot headed one before him. He took Rin's hand, shaking it as if an agreement had just been formed and things had been settled. "You're right, Rin. And I'm sorry. I will do what's best for Mikoto. That's all that matters. I'll wait for you to return and then we can start his road to recovery."

Rin had since left the next morning. Makoto had returned home just as he said he would, like he always did and now had left out for work. Everything.. was back to what had now been accepted as normal for so long. Kisumi sat in the empty house on the couch staring up at the ceiling fan as it spun above him. His mind whirling just as fast as the fan blades his blue eyes were fixed on. With a sudden burst of energy he sprang up, swiping his phone off of the table as he entered a number. Soon a voice sounded on the other end.

"Thank you for calling the Tokyo Psychiatric Clinic. How can I help you?" A woman's voice answered

"Yes, My name is Kisumi Shigino. I have a patient that needs to be admitted. Patient name, Makoto Tachibana."


End file.
